I think my dog is a Republican

GERRY FISCHER


I can’t be positive just yet, but I think my dog is a Republican, although it’s possible, he may only be a black and tan Beagle, masquerading as a “Blue Dog” Democrat. My two cats, on the other hand, seem to lean to the left and may be Dems. Anyway, the three of them fight like cats and dogs. I suppose Puppy is responsible for my consternation, because she found the kittens in my shed and adopted one of them. The one she adopted is Sox, a beautiful yellow tiger striped cat, with four white feet, less than a year old. Puppy Pudding, who I now call PP, as an abbreviation of her name, but also for other reasons, does not like the other cat nearly so well. His name is Tiger, and I adopted him. He is a gray and black tiger striped cat, also sporting four white feet. Tiger is twice as big as Sox and both are males and thankfully identify that way. Puppy Pudding is a female, and all woman. I’m o.k. with all of that, but I really don’t need the politics.

Everyone knows Republicans are conservative and Democrats are liberal, although it used to be just the opposite. During the Civil War and up until the beginning of the Korean Conflict (a politically correct name for a war), the Democrats were the conservatives and the Republicans were the liberals. After all, the first Republican President was Abraham Lincoln, and he was a liberal. The Republican party was so new, they called themselves the G.O.P., which stands for Grand Old Party, ostensibly to attract voters. Puppy seems to be a conservative while Sox and Tiger seem to be liberal. Puppy does not want to share with the cats. She gets angry when they eat from her food and water dish which sets on the floor. Their food and water dish set on a counter next to the paper towels. They eat puppy’s food before theirs because they know she can’t reach the counter, therefore Puppy has concluded the cats are double dipping. Puppy told me this while lobbying me to move their dishes to the floor. She said this, while urging me to level the playing, or should I say, the eating, field. I think she puts up with Sox eating her food because Sox is half as big as Tiger, who can really make the Purina disappear. Sox is a nibbler while Tiger is like Jaws. Truthfully, he makes Jaws look like a Sunday School picnic. I asked Puppy to be more compassionate to the cats, after all they are orphans. Puppy reminded me that she herself was a lowly rescue dog, but pulled herself up by her paw straps, and accepted the responsibility for protecting our home, running off garbage raiding raccoons and ‘possums, barking when strange cars come up the drive, finally telling me she has caught and ran off more mice than both cats have together. For all of this, she does not want to feed them too, especially since all they do is lay around all day, eat her food, and go out at night, while she stands guard. The dog made a point, when she told me keeping her food and water dish filled, is her income. When the cats eat her food, it is the same as a tax she has to pay, while “they” aren’t taxed. I told her that when she came to me, she was little, but now has grown and has a larger dish with more food and is better able to share, even if it is a tax. Puppy reminded me of something Winston Churchill said when he was asked why he changed from the liberal to the conservative party. His answer went something like this: “Any man under thirty, who is not a liberal has no heart, and any man over thirty, who is not a conservative has no brain.” Puppy agrees with Winston.



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